MARRIAGE : Above Tradition

The difference between individuals and relationships: relationships are structures (shapes) built of principles (rules) that people do not have the power to change. Individuals are products of their environment. This means: individuals change according to their environment. 

Individuals infuse their environment (influences and traditions), into the ways they practice relationships. Environments are cultural, generational, religious, economic, geographic, ethnic and racial.  

When marrying a person outside of our environment, it’s important to make sure tradition has not affected the expectations of the relationship in ways that are unclear. *This is why many say interracial marriages are difficult. Parents (or the lack thereof), play a large part in shaping a child’s environment. If you try to restructure marriage to include your traditions, you will fail to see eye to eye, and eventually the marriage will end. No two people on Earth have the same exact environment; this is the root of disagreement in all relationships and the reason why a couple can have completely different recounts of the same event. The marriage must be put over everything else. 

Conduct your marriage according to its structure to withstand the hardships of life.

Marriage is The Union of Two 

A big part of prioritizing marriage, is setting boundaries to protect the marriage itself. We are used to hearing the word “boundary” as a way for an individual to protect their time, energy, and space. In Western Culture, there is an emphasis on maintaining your individual identity at all costs; which is, by nature, in conflict with marriage. The union of marriage is when two become one flesh, and form a new identity. 

A lot of people mistakingly think they can continue moving in the same way they did when they were single or just dating; prioritizing their family, prioritizing their job, prioritizing their fun, or their extracurricular activities. Marriage calls for a change in priority.

Boundaries are emotional walls built to protect.

Now, imagine a couple standing side by side with a brick wall surrounding them, keeping outside threats from entering their home. This is what happens when a couple sets clear and consistent boundaries to protect the union.

Now, imagine a couple standing side by side with a brick wall surrounding them, keeping outside threats from entering their home. This is what happens when a couple sets clear and consistent boundaries that protect the union.

In order for marriage to survive, both husband and wife must share the same priority. 

This is a key. Boundaries that protect an individual, and boundaries that protect a union cannot exist in the same place.

Many American women fear that if they do not maintain their own identity in marriage, they are being stupid or naive. This idea applies to finance, emotional investment, openness, ownership, exclusivity, and the sacrifices of romantic love.

Today, the woman who chooses to stay home and care for her husband, children, and household is often judged harshly by other women. *It is important to note: she is most often judged by other women, not men. 

Consider that prior to World War II the idea of being a working woman was extremist, so women fought for the right to be more than a housewife. Today, being a housewife is extremist. We have simply shifted judgement. 

Ladies, the fear of losing one’s own identity is echoed by the voice of women who have been burned by love. Fear is baggage; it’s the earlier mentioned environment, that affects the ways we practice relationships. Conduct your relationship according to its structure to withstand the hardships of life. If you bring your environment into the relationship, it will fail. Give the man you love a chance.

Marriage is the strictest relationship man and woman can enter. It is also the conduit to most fulfilling enhancements available to the life of a man and woman; companionship and shared memory.

Marriage is the only relationship that addresses the core needs of man and woman, not their wants. *People want things that often interfere with the principals of marriage. Sometimes the eye wants things that make the stomach hurt. Marriage requires both man and woman to gain control of their eyes. If what you see motivates how you move, you will have an unsuccessful marriage.

With Love,

Pool House